Slaanesh
SLAANESH, SHE WHO THIRSTS, LORD OF SEX, DRUGS, AND JUDAS PRIEST Or so she wants you to believe. In reality however... Oh well. We Built this Slaaneshi on Rock and Roll So, lore-wise, Slaanesh is the Dark God of lust, greed, excess, pain, pleasure, perfection and hedonism, as well as sex, drugs, and rock and roll. Actually, the list of things (s)he is a God of is pretty large and impressive, though the same can be said of many of the Dark Gods. Actually, in comparison, Slaanesh is probably one of the more boring Gods, as well as seeminly redundnant at times. Khorne favors martial prowess, yet Slaanesh couldn't let that be enough and came up with his own excuse to have a massive ONE MILLION MASSIVE hard-ons for combat. That is filed under perfection. For perfection in combat. See how this starts to get convoluted and overlappy? Ya, same here. Of the Dark Gods, Slaanesh is the youngest of them, and sadly seems to attract the second-most autistic people in the spectrum provided by the galaxy at large (the first being Nurgle, who attracts people too autistic to think they need to take fucking showers) as well as gothaboos and, sadly, furries. What furries tend to forget, however, is that Slaanesh doesn't like retarded looking followers, as it prefers shit to actually look good (well, in it's own twisted opinion) and furries ALWAYS look retarded. Also, Slaanesh is very heavy handed in extreme sensations, so followers tend to be a lot like the Cenobites from Hellraiser, or pirates that live out a life of unprecedented freedom. Freedom, much like the bit about looking good, is subject to the opinion of She Who Thirsts. As such, using Slaanesh as an excuse to be a furry would normally be rewarded with Slaanesh getting annoyed/quickly bored and turning the moron into a mindless, malformed beast to better serve someone with greater ambitions. Which is fine. Kinda. Whatever. Within Chaos Indivisvm, Slaanesh currently enjoys one of the lowest amounts of followers. Of the followers, the highest in rank is currently a Champion, unless Nia comes back as an Apostle. Do it bitch. Do it. These followers are still currently carving out the mission of Slaanesh while trying to avoid some of the more problematic concerns that come with it, mostly the furry shit and falling into Noise Marine stereotypes. Mileage on that front has varied. In fact, the current uniform and theme of Indivisvm has given Slaanesh followers a harder time than others to adapt their look and act to their patron God. As such, they tend to be mitigated to small cosmetic changes and little more. This might have something to do with why Slaanesh has the fewest second fewest followers (slightly more than Tzeentch now!), though it is probably more the afore mentioned furry attraction, as well as the EVERYTHING IS COCAINE AND HEAVY METAL stereotype that eventually runs its course and becomes old. You'd think that would have lasting power, but this is the Internet, and while memes don't have an expiration date, they should. Also, the whole sex thing is a massive stereotype as well, but that one tends to be avoided most by the followers in Indivisvm because this is SUPPOSED to be a combat oriented game, and spending more time being perverted than combatative is self defeating. A bit of an oddity to point out is Chaos R&D. Being that this is the Slaanesh page, you should expect that HEAR THIS DIRGE AND DESPAIR has an odd angle in all of this, and it does. Next to Nurgle, who completely trumps the other Gods in followers and gear, Slaanesh commands the second highest amount of developers within the group. Yet, somehow, Slaanesh has the least amount of gear. Go figure. Might be the masochistic side of the followers making that happen. Ya, let's say that. That works. Slaanesh has, in the past, probably controlled the second highest amount of followers in Chaos overall, but the vast majority of them eventually found themselves excommunicated for falling to some of the less acceptable aspects of Slaanesh (read: excuses for furfaggotry, complete ego-centricity, libido service over combat service, etc). As such, Slaaneshi followers not only tend not to last long in Chaos, but have also been the largest source of turncoats. On the plus side, this often makes Slaanesh followers an easy group for the Dark Inquisition. Why is this a plus? Well, when every person that's secretly a furry jumps into the SAME FUCKING BOAT NEARLY EVERY TIME, it makes rooting them out incredibly simple. This also serves well for those that still follow Slaanesh, as they are seen as shining examples of members that were surrounded with the taint of the furfag, the insufferable sex-addict, and the Noiseaboo, yet managed not to succumb to such bullshit. Good job guys, good job. Except you, Van, you're still a faggot. Slaanesh also seems to attract emos and scene kids. They're basically furries, though, so they get treated the same. Also, despite being the pretty people, Slaanesh doesn't attract nearly as many females as one might imagine. Then again, this is the internet, and there are no females here. Nurgle, on the other hand, is rolling in the bitches. Apparently, girls like farts and diseases. WHO WOULD HAVE GUESSED?! Hear This Dirge and Despair... for a few seconds The Slaanesh inspired arsenal of Chaos has the potential, via the lore, to be one of the most varied and interesting piles of awesome weaponry ever encountered by the SLMC. That said, it isn't. Don't take my word for it, check it out: *'Warp Flash Grenade': This is the standard flashbang for the forces of Chaos. Rather than be a blinding white light, it is a picture taken from Darkslespurs colonoscopy. Which, if you like fun facts, is where most Chaos gear comes from. Hadet blew his load to the pics a few times, then decided to pass them out by making them a traumatizing grenade used to stun opponents. Or scar them. Mentally. And emotionally. It also screams and makes a lot of noise that people complain too much about, despite it actually being QUIETER than most flashbangs on the market and in use by other militaries. Eat it bitches. That all said, this grenade only works maybe 50% of the time, mostly dependant on who it is being used on. On one hand, against people that don't cheat and have never been hit by it before, it's a pretty crazy experience that will make you shit your pants and throw your headset off. Unless you don't play with sound on. And use wireframe. And have seen it a million times. Suddenly, it's useless. Again, it works if the target isn't cheating at all, but that is as stated a 50/50 chance. If one is used on you, congrats. Either you cheated enough that Chaos is checking to see if you are ignoring the flashbang, or you aren't cheating and they think it will actually disrupt your combat! One thing to point out is that the limited time that this grenade works means you NEED to have a way to get up to the victim and shoot/slice them to death. If you don't, you're just making their next 10 seconds annoying while not actually accomplishing anything of value. *'Torment Grenades': Aw yeah, here comes the good stuff! This powerful sonic grenade hits the target and freezes them for like 10 seconds! YEAH! Wait, wait, what are we cheering about? Well, on one hand, it's a fairly useful weapon insofar as it freezes anyone nearby it. If you are within 7 meters or so of the epicenter, you are pretty much grounded and unable to move. Also, the sound it makes is pretty cool too. This, in theory, makes you a sitting duck against the other munitions of Chaos. Wait, hold on, that's also what the Warp Flash does. Notice how Slaanesh grenades don't actually have any killing capacity by themselves? This is going to become a running theme, and by some opinions, more in line with Tzeentch than Slaanesh. Anyways, back to this 'nade. So it locks you in place, damn son. The victim can still fire from their position, and their aim is in no way hindered, so while they are at a disadvantage, it's not as bad as one might think. In fact, for the most part, the normal Warp Flash might be better for making a target easier to handle. Also, this is the SLAANESH FAVOR grenade, meaning you have to prove your shit to get hold of something that could be seen functionally as a downgrade. Also worth noting is that using raycast weapons against someone being hit by a Torment runs a chance of it not working. The shit used to keep the avi in place can block raycast. Oops. Obviously, this isn't a problem for snipers that wouldn't Torment someone to begin with, but in concert with RC Grenades, you have people just randomly not dying to things that normally cause terminal cases of death. Also, similarly to the Warp Flash, you have to be able to follow up a hit with one of these 'nades with bullets. Not blades though, cuz you will also get caught in it. So ya, hitting someone with this that you can't get to isn't as bad as the Warp Flash, as it DOES slow them down and stop them from getting the fuck out of dodge, but you better follow up with something more deadly right after. Or get someone with 'nades from ANY OTHER GOD to do it for you. That's normally what works. *'That's it': Ya, that's it. Obviously, this isn't a very impressive arsenal. It, in fact, barely exists, and what little there is somewhat COMPLETELY pales in comparison to weapons from ANY of the other Dark Gods. In fact, Slaaneshi weapons are the weakest in all of Chaos. Good job guys. Tzeentch gets gravity grenades that they overuse to the point of absurdity, Nurgle gets FUCKING EVERYTHING, Khorne gets a fuck ton of explosives and axes, and Slaanesh gets a mild annoyance. Cool. Even Mechanicus gets more shit than Slaanesh does. Welp, She Who Thirsts is the God of excess, and the excessive amount of bullshit this all is might be ironically fitting. To be fair, there are Sonic (the Hedgehog) weapons and a few Slaaneshi blades in the works which promise to be stupidly powerful, but they have been in development for years with absolutely NOTHING to show for it. Still, it could happen... Notable Followers of Slaanesh *VanHicksing: Britaboo underaged garbage. Currently in Ferrum, like a good pants on head retard. Tends to make stupid but enjoyable images in MSPaint. Deepest voice mother fucker in Chaos that isn't black. Recently made NCO. It might not last. *Nia: Once the only Slaanesh Apostle, she has since stepped down and has been resigned to the status of Relic, which functionally removes her from the chain of command. Nia is a mesh and texture bitch with a lot of talent and skill to bolster those jobs. Currently the only Slaanesh female follower. *Zayne: One of the primary mesh aritsts within Chaos, he is the man responsible for the build assets currently used in the Chaos sim. He also does his own scripting, which might work. Or might not. Or not work as intended. Your mileage WILL vary. Before the recent uniform swap, Zayne had one of the most unique sets of armor in Chaos. It was also the ugliest, and impossible to take seriously. Physically speaking, Zayne tends to be one of the most visually Slaaneshi followers in Chaos, though Van is sometimes not far behind as far as eccentricity. *TheMinus: The admin of this wiki and primary animator of Chaos. He's also the highest ranking Slaanesh in Chaos at the moment (Champion), lest Nia were to take her Apostle position back. Do it bitch, do it. Extremely active in the Dark Mechanicus as well. Currently oversees a great deal of Chaos projects and activity despite not being around as much as other members. In the event he somehow becomes a Space Marine, there is a chance he may become Fabius Bile, or worse better still, Doomrider. According to an officer of Coercion, he is single-handedly THE problem with the SLMC, and if he were to leave, the SLMC would be fixed. What an important guy! Images Nia - Slaaneshi.jpg|Nia, back when she had rank Jakob being a weeny.jpg|Sadly what Slaanesh would look like in the new armor Van as an abstract entity.PNG|Van. He's still a nerd. 746802c97b870433e1b5fefc6502668e.gif|Definitely Slaaneshi. Speaks for itself, really. MinusDEldar2a.png|Minus rocking an old Slaaneshi look. No longer permitted with the new uniforms. Snapshot 013.png|Zayne|link=In zayne in the membrane